3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Someone came in the potted fern
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
