I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
