i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
