I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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