ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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