I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
