mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
did you just send me my own nude
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
