found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
