WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
