it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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