stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He shit in the fireplace
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
