It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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