if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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