Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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