Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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