Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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