Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
