maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
