I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
