Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
