Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
