You made me cry and you don't even care
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
