Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
