Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
