I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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