I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
