I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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