And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
