She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
