careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Randomize
