So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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