i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
