The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
