I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
