this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
