I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
