paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
