he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
