Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We had sex on a dog bed..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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