Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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