Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
