"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
there is glitter all over my balls
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
