Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
