saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
