dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
