chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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