How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
