I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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