Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
