ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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