Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
