a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
