does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
