Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
