dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
