make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
