just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
