I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
