Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
