i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
