I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
