I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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