my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
