saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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