So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
