I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
