He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
