..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
