2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
