your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
