Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I didn't notice because vodka
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
