I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
