i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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