he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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