I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
