I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
