bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
