In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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