I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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