Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
