I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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